My 5 year old boy hurts his fingers until bleeds. I need help

[joaquina]

Dear friends,
I have a 5 year old son, who has passed through many changes: we have moved to a new country, I have a baby, a girl(5 months old). He has to use glasses and the problems that I am having with my child are:
He hits his school mates.
He hurts his fingers with his hands until they start to bleed
He is in a bad mood.
I treat him with all the patience I can have. The teachers have told me that he is very intelligent but he has problems with his thick power capacity (he can not controll his strength, he is a big boy for his age).
I am very worried, we are going to be in touch with a psicologist (my husband and I), but I am very worried about his fingers they are all wounded and injured.
Thank you so much for your help, and God bless you all.

Regards,

Joaquina

[Momma Bear]

I'm sorry about all that you're going through.

Does your son's school have a counselor that he (or the whole family) could talk to?

If your son is not able to talk about his feelings easily have you tried playing with him and talking about things with the toys (ie: stuffies, cars). You can take one toy and say in a lower or unusual voice "How do you feel about moving?" to the toy he is holding and see if it works. You'd be surprised how some kids will open up when they talk through toys. Or have you tried having him draw his feelings about moving etc? If he's hurting himself in anger it seems like he might need some way of expressing his feelings.

If hurting his fingers is a nervous habit can you give him an alternative thing to do with his hands? Maybe playing with lego or playdough or even something like a rubiks cube that he could play with just for the repetitive motion?

Have you played up the big brother role? Encourage him to help with the baby, let him change a diaper or "read" a book to the baby. Also you can spend quality time with him by reading to him while you feed the baby. Spending quality one on one time with him while the baby naps would also help. A lot of kids feel de-throned when the new baby comes. He's had you to himself for so many years he needs to know that you are still his mom and still there for him like you were before.

About his glasses, does he have any role models who wear glasses? Superman is a possible role model. "The Little Einsteins" is a cartoon that I would recommend for his age level that has a boy who is a main character who wears glasses. It will help him to see that wearing glasses is normal.

Have you had playdates for your son and one other boy at a time? If he was one on one with another classmate with organized activities he may be less likely to hit. Once he becomes friends with a classmate or two he may have less reason to act out towards them. Could he join soccer or another after school sport where he can be with kids from ie: 5-8 years old that way he's not the biggest kid and that way he has a physical outlet and can get some aggression out?

Make sure that you are not being hard on yourself. Just do the best that you can. Being a mom is the hardest job there is (and especially hard with a new baby as well). Breath deep, drink some tea and try to get breaks now and then.

God bless you too... All the best for you and your family.

[joaquina]

Dear Momma Bear,

Thank you so much, you have been an angel in my life. I really appreciate all your advice. God bless you and your family too. I am going to put in practice all the ideas you have given me. I am sure that God has passed through you to me.

Regards,

Joaquina

[joaquina]

Dear Blaze,

Thank you for your advice, but my boy is not near to those things that send radiation, but thank you for your help. God bless you,

Regards,

Joaquina