What The F*** Is Rong With Me...please Help

[Solidess]

Hi i writing this post cos i dident get any replies on any of my other posts i thinks its because i dident explain my symptoms well enough. So hear they are....

1. sometimes i fell happpy and normal but my mood often changes for periods of time usally around 1 week, when this happens i feel extremly deppressed and suicidal.

2. I lose focus almost every 15 minutes... when this happens i see stuff in my head like little scinaros they feel very real and because i can hear them i often end up speaking into them and acting as one of the characters in the scinaros, to the point where i give the same facial exspressions and movements. this started when i was 6 years old i thought its was my imagination but im know 17 and its started happening alot more. when it happens i can countinue doing stuff for example if im cooking, working, playing computer even when im at the gym i drift off and start seeing scinaros but still continue to do whaat ever was doing to start with. I drouped out of school with terrible grades becuase i could not pay any attention in class.

3. I often hear a voice in my head... the voice sounds like me and i can sometimes shut it off but the problems is i cant control what its says. sometimes i argue with it or sometimes i just talk to it out loud or in my head. the voice often tells me to cut myself when i make mistakes even if there not my fault. i have many self inflicted wounds that nobody knows about and its gettig difficult to hide them all from family and friends.

4.socal issues - i have lost all intererest in social avents , i often dont say anything and when i do i feel like i made a mistake some how, when i hit 15 i lost all interest in everybody elses wellbeing and when people would talk to me i would often tell them to shut up or say i dont care which i dident. i am very sarcastic and pessimistic i am also very cyinacle and have diffiuclty trusting anybody. I still had alot of friends even though i often tell people that i hate them. I find it weird that this has happend i seemed to be so trusting as a kid and friendly, and know my firends explain me to others as a heartless, anti-socail, criminal, conman and over all a complete *****.

5. fantisy lifes - i create little fantisy lifes in my head which are much similar to the scinaros i see except they last a lot longer. at one point i had a fantisy life that last 4 hours. i also talk into these lifes and i enjoy having them and i like them more then my own life. when i come out of them i feel deppressed and angry and some what suicidal because my life is not like them.

6. Family life - my life at home is wierd i have two very loving parents and one older sister. deppression runs in my family. my sister had it and my parents are now very opessesive over hear wellbeing, to the point where the over look mine. i dont get alot of attention and am often alone even when every one is home. i surpose you could call me a loner because of my lack of contact with anyone other then myself or what ever is in my head. when my parent try to hug me or kiss me i feel anxiety, irrated and uncofortable so often I pull away from them.

7. Criminal issues - when i was 15 i developed a intrest in breaking the law i think this happens to a lot of teens but the problem with me was im actually kind of good at it. In fact its one of the only things im good at. for example it took me two weeks to memorise how to spell the word "because" it took me 20 minutes to master lock picking. I started to steal and i got alot of enjoyment out of it. the problem know is when i feel deprressed i steal and when steal the adrinline acts as a anti depresent and i feel happy agian for a short while so ive become somewhat addicted. also when i dont stal the voice in my head makes me cut myself as punshiment for not stealing anything.

8. OCD - i quiet often become obssesive and have to do things over and over again until there done 100% right. this includes walking around my house cheack to see if there is anyone there, scartching my wrists (usally in socail situations only), making wierd sounds and checking behind me to see if anyones is following me. i have toa do these things 4- 8 times if i do them more hen that i ahve to keep doing them until it pans out to 8 times 4 times over so 32 times.

9.Anger issues - i have difficulty showing anger and quiet often it builds up inside me. when this happens i see myself in my head usally assulting the person who upset me over and over. its usally very violent and sometimes i get emotional over it.

10. fear and panick - every now and again i get extremly paranoid over nothing E.G. i sometimes thinks there are spiders in my bed so a remove all the covers and usally end up looing around the room and in the bed for spiders. another example is when i start think there are people in the streets watching me and whating for me to make mistake so they can laugh at me. i also feel alot of anxiety around othere people and i usally act wierd or different in socail situations which makes people stare at me which in turn makes me feel even more anxiety and disscomfort.

i think that covers everythin. im not queit sure what is i should do is this normal behavour for a teen or is this different. i need and answer quick because i think people are starting to question why i dont speak, are often deppressed and suicidal, am a complete loner and have fresh bandages all over my wrists and arms....


PLEASE HELP ME...

[Tootsie]

Hi there........Really u need to go to ur doctors & till them this and ask for them to refer u for evaluation.

There are no quick answers it could be alot of things then again it may just be growing up & finding urself.

It would only be through talking these things through with a doctor, over a length of time that u could be diagnosed properly.

The last thing anyone would do is label u to quickly, as that could effect ur whole life, so its important to get correct diagnosis, & treatment if needed.

No-one here could tell u what was wrong just like that as no doctor would either, so no quick answers im sorry to say.

If u want to change things & work towards a secure happy future u need to start now & find the help u need !

I wish u well !

Regards

[wannabe_mommy17]

honestly i really think that most of the things you are going thru is normal teenager stuff... now the talking to yourself and cutting cause you dont steal... that might be a little bit more serious! i would say Schizophrenia .... but then again ... im not a pshyciatrist yet!
def. go to the doctor.... see what they say! if im right... write me back... if not still tell me what they say!

~good luck~

*jessica*

[Solidess]

Schizophrenia **** i was thinking more a long the lines of BPD, bipolar disorder because of my serious mood swings between clincal deppression and hyper, and kleptomania due to my addictin to the rush you get out of stealing. i kind of figured that the voice was probly just my seriously F**ked up imagination. i did take tests for BPD and it came back as very high for a lot of them espacially scitzopal personallity disorder which is boardline Schizophrenia.

What do You think

[Beth56]

I have a family member that experienced some of what you are going through. It also became apparent around the age of 17. This was 40 years ago. I always believed the cause was schizophrenia as it commonly will show itself around this age. But this family member refused help and, due to age, could not be held and diagnosed. But there are other illnesses or a combination of that could be going on with you. If you have not discussed this with your parents, I urge you to do so. Together, perhaps you can get to the bottom of this. You are not alone and your parents would surely wish to help you get well. The voices, fantasies, cutting, etc. are of concern. Feeling suicidal is an alarm going off. Please talk to your parents and ask them for help. It may take awhile to figure things out, but you are so worth it.

[Solidess]

Yeah i dont real like my family very much, ther busy with other things as well, if they havent notice all the marks on my arms i real doubt there gona notice me if im gone...
so wondring what i should do the only reason i get out of bed is to steal stuff which by the way i am compulsed to do by kleptomania... im pretty sure if i go to a doctor they will give me some form of medcine which fights of the irge to steal, but this will mean that i will have nothing to look forward EVER and in turn nothing to live for....

[wannabe_mommy17]

yeah... im bi-polar too so dont worry about that ... ask your doctor if you are elligable to take seroquel... and did they do a cat scan? and dont ever think your un-important just because you never get to spend time with your parents cause they are so busy.... my parents are the same way! my dad works from 6 till 9 most days and my mom has 24 hr school days everyday... its not thier falt really.... im raising 5 kids under me a 2yr old, 4yr old, 5yr old, 13yr old, and a 15yr old.... pretty much all by myself... and my parents didnt notice my cuts and bruises untill someone from my school called social services... just dont worry about it.... but im glad you went to the doctor!

[wishin_4a_baybi_17]

yeah... im bi-polar too so dont worry about that ... ask your doctor if you are elligable to take seroquel... and did they do a cat scan? and dont ever think your un-important just because you never get to spend time with your parents cause they are so busy.... my parents are the same way! my dad works from 6 till 9 most days and my mom has 24 hr school days everyday... its not thier falt really.... im raising 5 kids under me a 2yr old, 4yr old, 5yr old, 13yr old, and a 15yr old.... pretty much all by myself... and my parents didnt notice my cuts and bruises untill someone from my school called social services... just dont worry about it.... but im glad you went to the doctor!

[Solidess]

First of i admire that you handle all of that with kids. scound havent been to a doctor yet going to morow, and my parents dont work late they just dont notice, not that anyone ever does, i like it that way its nice to not have to fake being what they want me to be, i do the same with my friends, nobody ever see the scars or the signs or even the real me because if they did i wouldent have a home or friends or family... every one has secrets. it would be nice if my real personaillity wasent one of mine...

[wishin_4a_baybi_17]

thank you! if you want i can be your friend... i know it sounds corny but hey! why not?

*jessica*