Pot

[Blue29]

Me and my fiance have been arguing a little here lately. I have trust issues with him now and i hate feeling this way. Heres our situation,i need to know if im over reacting or if i have the right to be hurt at him.
Before we starting getting serious in this relationship i told him the way i am and the things that would destroy a relationship with me.I have never drunk or done drugs and he assured me that he hasnt drunk in 15 years and that he dont believe in doing drugs so i thought we was on the same page about that subject but one day i was busy here in the house and he walked outside,well when i went to find him to tell him the garbage was ready to be took to the land field i caught him smoking a joint behind the house.I was mad,hurt,disgusted all at the same time.Come to find out(after he decided to tell me the truth) he smokes on a regular basis and i never pictured him as being a liar or a dope head and thats why im so hurt.
That took place a few weeks ago and now i have trust issues cause if he'd lie to me about that just to keep me then he'd lie to me about anything.How can i take him seriously now when he swore to me that my kids was in good hands but im not so sure they are anymore cause i dont know when he high and when hes not.
He tells me he'll never do it again then he tells me he'll try not to do it again.I tell him i didnt sign up for a relationship with a dope head and im not sugar coating it all for him to feel better about being a dope head.
All i care about are the important things in life.Like family and love. If he has to have dope to get him by through life,i dont think hes gonna be strong enough for this family.I need to know for sure that he isnt smoking it before i can trust him again.

I JUST FEEL SO HURT AND CONFUSED.IT FEELS LIKE MY WORLD CRUMBLED ALL AROUND ME.I TRUSTED THIS MAN WITH MY LIFE SO WHY DOES HE LIE JUST TO GET ME HERE AND IS HE STILL LYING TO KEEP ME HERE?

How do i get him to quit for good?

[acuann]

Well, YOU can't get him to quit for good. But you can quit HIM, and I recommend doing that. You are in a codependent relationship that won't change unless HE changes his behavior and quits smoking. Please don't wait around hoping he'll do this...he may NEVER do this and you will continue to be hurt ( and your children too).

Please find some counseling, therapy, or try visiting AlAnon - this may be very helpful for you.

I know this is hard, but if he lied to you and you (understandibly) have trust issues, then this will be hard to just shrug off. If he makes an effort to quit and get therapy/counseling, then that is a great step. I just don't think you should continue in a relationship unless he is willing to do this - you will just set yourself up for more misery.

Wishing you the best,
DOM

[Blue29]

I know i'll only get hurt more but im scared to leave.I dont wanna give up on him.I just want him to understand that there are things i wont tolerate and thats one of them but wat he does behind my back is what worries me. I have never lied to him or done anything that i knew would hurt him and thats why i question our love cause he hasnt given me the same in return.
He has been smoking it for 20 years,i told him its either me or the pot. My kids deserve more respect than that too. 20 years smoking pot,i dont think he'll quit no time soon,i think you are right.Staying will only hurt more.
Thanks for telling me what i needed to hear.

[Suggestion]

Have you considered seeing a therapist who specializes in relationship problems. I do not see marijuana as any more of a drug than alcohol. At least your husband is not on any hard drugs. Talk it over. This could be a silly mistake if you leave your husband without really putting forth the effort and finding the cause.

[acuann]

Have you considered seeing a therapist who specializes in relationship problems. I do not see marijuana as any more of a drug than alcohol. At least your husband is not on any hard drugs. Talk it over. This could be a silly mistake if you leave your husband without really putting forth the effort and finding the cause.

Pot, cocaine, alcohol, heroin, cigarettes...it really doesn't matter in my opinion what he is taking - it is an ADDICTION. Pot addiction can be just as destructive as other "hard" drugs. When you are involved in a relationship with addiction, then you are in a CODEPENDENT relationship...

Absolutely get some therapy or counseling, but please realize that if your partner isn't going to change his behavior and get the help HE needs, then nothing will change or improve.

20 years is a long time, but if you show him you mean what you say, maybe it will be the spark that will get him to stop. Just be prepared to leave if he doesn't.

This is all just my opinion. I have been there in the past, and when I met my husband he was abusing pot quite a bit. I flat out told him that I could never be in a relationship with him if he continued, and he stopped cold turkey. That was nearly 8 years ago and we are still together and happy...

Best wishes
DOM

[Blue29]

Pot, cocaine, alcohol, heroin, cigarettes...it really doesn't matter in my opinion what he is taking - it is an ADDICTION. Pot addiction can be just as destructive as other "hard" drugs. When you are involved in a relationship with addiction, then you are in a CODEPENDENT relationship...

Absolutely get some therapy or counseling, but please realize that if your partner isn't going to change his behavior and get the help HE needs, then nothing will change or improve.

20 years is a long time, but if you show him you mean what you say, maybe it will be the spark that will get him to stop. Just be prepared to leave if he doesn't.

This is all just my opinion. I have been there in the past, and when I met my husband he was abusing pot quite a bit. I flat out told him that I could never be in a relationship with him if he continued, and he stopped cold turkey. That was nearly 8 years ago and we are still together and happy...

Best wishes
DOM

He really acts and talk like he wants to change.He says he would never choose pot over me and he dont need it to get by so im hoping everything will be ok and we can work past this.
Thanks for your help,its well appreciated.

[b.lee]

how long where you with him?

he's better off with the pot, then anything else
if hes been smoking for a while, its just like a cup of coffee in the morning to him

i wouldnt call it being high.

he's obviously got his priorities straight since you haven't had anything else to compain about besides for the pot.

its really as bad as you make it out to be.
calling him a dope head or whatnot.

[acuann]

how long where you with him?

he's better off with the pot, then anything else
if hes been smoking for a while, its just like a cup of coffee in the morning to him

i wouldnt call it being high.

he's obviously got his priorities straight since you haven't had anything else to compain about besides for the pot.

its really as bad as you make it out to be.
calling him a dope head or whatnot.

Sorry, smoking pot is SO not the same thing as drinking a cup of coffee...that is completely idiotic.

Do you smoke pot? Casually? You are fooling yourself if you think this can be as inocuous as drinking your morning java.

Sure it is better than crack or meth, but it is still a drug and it still messes up your brain function and cognitive thinking.

People who smoke pot are stuck emotionally...that is just my opinion and my experience being around "casual smokers".

DOM

[Unregistered]

Sorry, smoking pot is SO not the same thing as drinking a cup of coffee...that is completely idiotic.

Do you smoke pot? Casually? You are fooling yourself if you think this can be as inocuous as drinking your morning java.

Sure it is better than crack or meth, but it is still a drug and it still messes up your brain function and cognitive thinking.

People who smoke pot are stuck emotionally...that is just my opinion and my experience being around "casual smokers".

DOM

ahhh, see pot is only a 'drug' because the law makers called it that
same as how they made alcohol illegal, and then made it legal again.

pot is a plant that grows natually like a pine tree.
then you pick it, let it dry, and smoke it or eat it.
there is no 'man made' in pot.

of course its better for you than crack or meth.

Id rather have 1,000,000 drivers driving on the other side of the yellow line that just smoked pot, then 1 drunk driver. anyday of the week.

Pot is nothing more than an untouched cigerrette plant or a coffee plant.
It grows from the earth and we use it in everyday life.

[Unregistered]

i posted, it was not bad or anything
not sure if the mod didnt allow the post or what...
oh well.