I think about suicide but am not depressed

[jo_safeforever]

I'm 18. And I' happy with my life. I just find myself commonly thinking about suicide. For example, the other day I was standing at the edge of a cliff and I thought about jumping, I even looked for the best place to jump where I wouldn't hit any trees. I wasn't going to do it, so why did I think about doing it? I also find that I'm often a little bit paranoid, I feel that people are out ot stab me in the back, and have very abrupt and severe mood swings. When I put all these symptoms together on this site the diagnosis was amphetamine abuse, but i don't take amphetamines, and have in fact never even seen them. Please help me.

[jo_safeforever]

could someone please help. I'm 18 and I can't afford to go to a psychologist.

[Unregistered]

I've read that people in depression are usually in denial and are usually the last person to know it! Or maybe you might just be in search of an adrenalin rush? Look into bunjee jumping or parachuting. I regularly feel the same, but I have been diagnosed with depression when I was a young teen and denied it and know I have it now, but then I also love adrenalin rushes!

[Unregistered]

Hi, I'm 26 and sometimes that happens to me... They said I have intrusive thoughts. I can be watching tv and all of a sudden I will start to think about ways I could kill myself. Or like you, standing at a high place and thinking jump, jump, jump! But try looking up intrusive thoughts... I find when I have these thoughts it's best I stop what I'm doing and do something else. If that doesn't help try drawing.

Her,

[AmateurHistorian]

Jo, I feel safe saying that everyone has thoughts like that at some point in their life. But if you're having them regularly, and especially if you think you might act on them, then you need to do something. Look in your phone book for emergency services such as suicide prevention and crisis lines, or mental health referral services. In many parts of the U.S., you can now dial 211, and be connected with a referral service (in most places run by United Way) that has huge lists of resources for whatever you need. There are psychotherapists who may be available to you free or for a very small fee, depending on your situation.

The fact that you're both thinking about suicide and feeling paranoid makes me think that you've got something more going on than just idle thoughts. Please, call one of these resources and talk to someone.

Take care of yourself, and good luck!!

[lorihelleso]

I think often about suicide also. I am happily married and a stay at home mom of three kids. but If I get tired and can't fall asleep or when I think of something I would rather not deal with like bills I start thinking about cutting myslef or wishing I was dead. I should say that I have never cut myslef or tried to die. I just think about it for a bit and usually end up either turning on the tv or getting myself busy. I really don't want to die and am not that unhappy but for some reason it is how my brain deals with stress and tells me to do something else.

[AmateurHistorian]

If I get tired and can't fall asleep or when I think of something I would rather not deal with like bills I start thinking about cutting myslef or wishing I was dead .... I really don't want to die and am not that unhappy but for some reason it is how my brain deals with stress and tells me to do something else.

I'm 50 years old, and have had chronic depression as far back into childhood as I can remember. At age 17, I started having periods of months and years at a time when I was in so much pain that I thought about suicide more or less constantly. I've used lots of different antidepressant meds, which helped to varying degrees for varying lengths of time. Last fall, I started taking a different class of drugs that, at least for now, has lifted me fully out of my depression. Now I try to take each depression-free day as a precious gift, never knowing how many more of them I'll have.

But beyond that, I also have moments like you described, lori: things aren't going my way, and I'm hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, and my mind is used to thinking of suicide as a way out, so that's what I start to think about. I've always had those thoughts, whether my underlying depression was active or quiet. I still have them even now, with my chronic depression essentially gone. Like you said, it just seems to be one of the ways my brain has learned to react to stress. I've had to learn how to tell the difference between the suicidal thoughts that are just passing and nothing to worry about, and the ones that I need to take seriously -- like, when I start to actually plan how to do it.

And then there's that interesting third kind of suicidal thought that I get about once a year when I'm driving on a highway. I look at the oncoming traffic and think, All I'd have to do is turn this steering wheel about 6 inches, and have a head-on collision with that other car, at speeds totaling 140 miles an hour. Interesting. Wonder what that would be like? Just six little inches....

If you think that makes me sound like a Stephen King character, I agree. That's part of why I like King's writing: many of his characters have the same shadowy, shameful things running around their minds as I do. Is that a common thing? I think it is, actually. But in any case, I can read King and think, Wow, maybe I'm not so strange after all.

[jo_safeforever]

I'm not happy with my life i'm a liar. I thought i was, but every little thing that happens me effects me so badly. Things that may bother someone for a day bothers me for weeks, i cry uncontrolabley and i sometimes feel like i'm in a hole I can't get out of. When i feel **** i never see a doctor because i think they wont believe me, they'll think i'm a dramaqueen because i'm a teenaged girl. then when i feel better i think that's all it was.
i hate feeling so bad. i just want it to stop.

if you are depressed, do you feel down all the time or does it come and go?

[acuann]

Depression can manifest many different ways in many different people. I am sorry you are having these feelings, but please know you are not alone. Amateur is right - there are many resources you can find to help you - the phone book is a good place to start. Is there someone you can talk to about this? Anyone at your school?

I have said this before, but I feel very strongly that there is a connection between mood disorders and nutritional deficiencies, especially in young people. We are not getting proper nutrition from out diets, and this can often lead to a deficiency that will affect our brain function. Please visit www.1stholistic.com to look up the various symptoms and connect them to certain vitamin/mineral deficiencies...this would be a good place to start in my opinion. B vitamins, magnesium, and others are important for stabilizing mood.

Exercise is one of the best things out there to help improve mood. If you don't exercise at all, consider starting - take this slowly, but after a month or so you should notice a real difference. It has been one of the best and cheapest things to help my feelings of depression.

Best wishes
DOM

[hazel10]

when i was about 14 i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. i dont take any medicine for it. but your symptoms seem similar to mine, however they dont completly fit the description of BPD. heres a link so see what you think: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bpd.cfm sometimes i think i just have a morbid mind or something. but you could talk to your doctor about it and see what he thinks.